Band Jokes

What do trumpet players use for birth control?: Their personalities!
What's a gentleman?: Somebody who knows how to play the trumpet, but doesn't.
What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?: The bonds will eventually mature and earn money.
What did Johnny's mother say when he told her he wanted to grow up and be a trumpet player?: "But Johnny, you can't do both."
Why did the chicken cross the road?: To get away from the trumpet players.

(But, of course, these really aren't very funny.)

How many sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?: Five. One to change the lightbulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.
What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower?: 1. Lawnmowers sound better in small ensembles. 2. The neighbors get upset if you borrow a sax and don't return it.

How many trombonists does it take to change a lightbulb?: Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.
What's the difference between a dead trombonist lying in the road and a dead squirrel lying in the road?: The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig.
How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist?: He doesn't know how to use the slide and he can't swing.
How does a trombonist keep track of his gigs?: With a year-at-a-glance calendar!

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?: "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like, dark in here, man?"
Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?: It took two hours to get the drummer out.
How do you confuse a drummer?: Put a sheet of music in front of him!

How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?: Only one, but he'll go througha whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.
What's the difference between a clarinet and an onion?: No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.